Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
