I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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