hotel room ftw
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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