hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Randomize
