I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
