I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
