it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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