chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
