: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
