I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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