last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
