rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
