take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
