Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize