Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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