It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
