I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
