ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
