dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
