I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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