I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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