i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You pole danced in your parka.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize