I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
