This is not my ceiling
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
