Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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