I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
