I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
