she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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