Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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