Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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