btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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