this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
