Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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