I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
