Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
