Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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