Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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