Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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