shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
