theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
