so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
