my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
