Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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