my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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