He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
