guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my poor anus
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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