I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
