dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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