If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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