I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Who died my cat blue again?