I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.