You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You took a bar mat shot.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
