Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
