If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
