maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
