shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
