they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
