M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
