They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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