I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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