and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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