its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize